A list of thing that are troubling me that I want you to help with

You could pick one or be my hero and solve/explain to me all of them.

-Univerisity. This is a massive umbrella bullet point thingy, because this comes with it's own big huge list of worries.

• How do I choose where to go? I want to go to Brighton but I have to apply for more and goddammit I don't want to live anywhere shit.
• What if I don't get in to Brighton?
• I'm going to do Primary Education- it's going to be full of girls. What if none of them like me? How do I get them to like me? Oh deeeeear...
• If I DO get in to Brighton, how am I going to know my way around? Someone will show me right?
• How does the whole university thing WORK anyway? I don't understand it...

-What if James leaves me randomly?

-What if I'm even less interesting than I think I am?

-What if I'm this up-and-down for the rest of my life?

-Why am I enjoying this Kate Nash song?

-I want goldfish.

-Or a snail.

-Both?

-"I know I should let go, but I can't"

-"I know I should forget, but I can't"

I want revised

I want:

-James
-My exams to be over
-to be pretty
-to have nice clothes
-for people to like me
-to stop being so annoying
-ditto moany
-To do well in my subjects, even though I won't
-to feel more secure
-to feel more confident
-(without being nasty)
-To have interests that don't revolve around a screen.
-To be recognised for something.
-my older brother not to be such a massive twat.
-to have ambition, rather than just babies.
-(I mean, this isn't the 30s. Women have to work now)
-(And shut up Liv, working with children wouldn't be work for you.)
-to be confident enough to even admit the career I actually want.
-to have nicer hair
-to know stuff.
-to speak another language.
-not to back down so easily
-a new dress
-a fecking job
-money
-independence
-drive. Not learning TO drive. Just drive.
-girl friends.
-Him, him, and him to fuck off.
-a life.
-Last night again and again and again
-mmmmmmmm :)



Not much different I know.

Oh dear.

I want:

-James
-My exams to be over
-to be pretty
-to have nice clothes
-for people to like me
-to stop being so annoying
-ditto moany
-Olly to leave me alone.
-To do well in my subjects, even though I won't
-to feel more secure
-to feel more confident
-(without being nasty)
-To have interests that don't revolve around a screen.
-To be recognised for something.
-my older brother not to be such a massive twat.
-to have ambition, rather than just babies.
-(I mean, this isn't the 30s. Women have to work now)
-(And shut up Liv, working with children wouldn't be work for you.)
-to be confident enough to even admit the career I actually want.
-to have nicer hair
-to know stuff.
-to speak another language.
-not to back down so easily
-a new dress
-a fecking job
-money
-independence
-drive. Not learning TO drive. Just drive.
-girl friends.
-Him, him, and him to fuck off.
-a life.
-me and James to be right again.

Oh what am I becoming?

I just looked up How To Be a Perfect Girl in google.
And an article came up on wikihow
And I'm reading it.




I need to be better, I must be better, I need to be better.

Talking to strangers

Connecting to server...
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hiih
You: Heeey
You: This is weird :)
Stranger: y
Stranger: its fun
You: What's your favourite cartoon?
Stranger: X-men
You: Cool
Stranger: old school and the newest one evolution wwas FAIL
You: Mine is Fairly Odd Parents
Stranger: NICE
Stranger: epic choise
You: You may be being sarcastic
You: I don't care :)
Stranger: u lie faily odd has a genious theme
Stranger: i learnint it once
You: On what?
Stranger: was gd to coe home 2
Stranger: along with mona the vampire theme
You: Oh yeahhhh
You: :D
Your conversational partner has disconnected.


Connecting to server...
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi
You: heeyy
Stranger: foo
Stranger: do you like feet
You: I like them as much as the next girl :)
You: They come in pretty useful for walking on
You: Do you like feet?
Stranger: yes :)
Stranger: well...
Stranger: you know what they say about big feet...

You: uh-huh
You: Big socks
Stranger: big shoes
You: OLD joke
Stranger: LOL
You: Hahaa
Stranger: whats up
You: nothing mooch
Stranger: mooch?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.


Connecting to server...
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: hey
Stranger: hoo
You: Do you believe in love at first sight?
You: Because I fell in love with you the first time I saw your typing up on my screen :')
Stranger: Do you beliieveee
Stranger: in lifeee
Stranger: after
Stranger: loveeee
You: I do not believ in Cher :(
Stranger: Do you believe in magicc
Stranger: I believe i can flllllllllllllllllllllllllllly
Stranger: Spread my wings
Stranger: and
Stranger: touch
Stranger: the skkkyyy
Stranger: think about it every night
Stranger: and dayyyyyyyyyyyyy
You: hahhaaa
You: It's like an X Factor audition
Stranger: It's just...
Stranger: So..
Stranger: Beautiful!
You: :')
Stranger: D:
You: I think you're through to the next round :)
Stranger: =O
You: Congratulations and stuff
Stranger: im so happy
Stranger: INCOMING
Stranger: (\ /)
You: I know it's been your dream since you were so young
Stranger: (0.o)
Stranger: (> <)
Stranger: /_||_\
You: Rabbit :)
Stranger: you know NOTHING
You: I wrecked it
You: The rabbit :(
Stranger: what
Stranger: no you didn't
Stranger: unless theres some lag
Stranger: on my screen it is intact
You: oh
Stranger: ;(
Stranger: you killed him didn't you?
Stranger: how dare you
You: I'm sorry I'm sorry!
Stranger: you should be

I know I'm hard work

I'm often seen as a negative person.
Mainly because I'm always moaning about something.
It's even more apparent when compared to my happy, cheerful, beaming, sunshine-shitting boyfriend.
I know i shouldn't be jealous.
I take it out on him:
a) because he's nearest
b) because happy people wind up miserable people
c) because he has everything I want and I hate it.
It's not even like it balances out if you take everything into consideration. He literally beats me on everything.
Looks, intelligence, confidence...
But the main things that bother me are








Oh shut up you moaning ccahhh.




Moanwhinewhinge


You know who you sound like?


Your mum and her sisters.

Yeah. I went there.


YOU ARE TURNING INTO YOUR MOTHER.

I'm so open I type out my diary on the internet

11.40pm 31st Dec 2007

Twenty minutes until 2008.
Oh God.




New Years Day 2008

These scientist blokes (who really should be doing something useful, like curing diseases) have started dictating how people should make New Years Resolutions. So, in my usual fashion, I shall do opposite things.
*You should only have one resolution
Err no. The more arrows you shoot, the more you're likely to hit.
My Resolutions
-Clean up the shower after use
-Use moisturiser everyday.
-Be organized- homework/coursework in on time, birthday presents bought and wrapped on time.
-Stop nagging Olly so much.
-Exercise a little more
-Go to loads of gigs
-Have fun
-Be less nasty to people. Even if they are a freak.


10.44pm New Years Day

I need to do lots of work tomorrow.


7th January 08

I forgot my R.E. book, so I'm going to take Abortion Coursework notes in here.

[Four pages of abortion coursework notes]

7th January

I'm meant to be doing maths problems, but it's coverwork that she's never going to mark, so I can't be bothered.
I've been basically abandoned by my so-called friends- I have the entire front row to myself. How embarrassing. Why am I the one to get left alone? For once I know it's not just me being paranoid. I don't get 'bullied', I just get ignored. I'm not lonely, though. I hate people. Emily, Hannah and Charlotte are in a cosy little group a few metres behind me, chatting. It's nice to know they care about me enough to leave me completely alone while they do this. I literally am alone. There are three empty chairs on either side of me. I may as well not be here.
Liams been moved to the front row now, but I don't know him.
I feel so useless, I really do. What is so wrong with my social skills that I can't even persuade people to sit with me in a maths lesson? I would hate myself if I wasn't such an egotist At least it's last lesson, so i can go home in ten minutes. Ten minutes seems like a couple of hours.
I can hear a jumble of voices behind me, but i cannot determine what they are saying. I don't care. I don't know what to do.
I want to see Olly. He wouldn't leave me on my own.


4.52pm

I feel so ugly and hopeless. I look in the mirror and my nose seems to stand out like a beacon. I realise that these are groundless emotions that will pass, but I still just want to get on a train and runaway from my life, run away from myself. Not that that's possible. If I could do anything, I would travel to wherever Maximo Park are currently touring, do some sightseeing and take some photos during the day, go to their concert in the evening and have a dance, then be allowed backstage so I can stay up until the morning talking to Paul Smith (the leadsinger). Then I would come with them in their tour bus and travel the world with them.
But I'm a slightly dishevelled 16 year old school girl, who's behind on her coursework in several subjects.

I'm not sure when it happened, but it feels like I suddenly realised I was here, like really realised, and since then I haven't been able to do anything without seriously over-thinking it. It's caused problems.