I'm so open I type out my diary on the internet

11.40pm 31st Dec 2007

Twenty minutes until 2008.
Oh God.




New Years Day 2008

These scientist blokes (who really should be doing something useful, like curing diseases) have started dictating how people should make New Years Resolutions. So, in my usual fashion, I shall do opposite things.
*You should only have one resolution
Err no. The more arrows you shoot, the more you're likely to hit.
My Resolutions
-Clean up the shower after use
-Use moisturiser everyday.
-Be organized- homework/coursework in on time, birthday presents bought and wrapped on time.
-Stop nagging Olly so much.
-Exercise a little more
-Go to loads of gigs
-Have fun
-Be less nasty to people. Even if they are a freak.


10.44pm New Years Day

I need to do lots of work tomorrow.


7th January 08

I forgot my R.E. book, so I'm going to take Abortion Coursework notes in here.

[Four pages of abortion coursework notes]

7th January

I'm meant to be doing maths problems, but it's coverwork that she's never going to mark, so I can't be bothered.
I've been basically abandoned by my so-called friends- I have the entire front row to myself. How embarrassing. Why am I the one to get left alone? For once I know it's not just me being paranoid. I don't get 'bullied', I just get ignored. I'm not lonely, though. I hate people. Emily, Hannah and Charlotte are in a cosy little group a few metres behind me, chatting. It's nice to know they care about me enough to leave me completely alone while they do this. I literally am alone. There are three empty chairs on either side of me. I may as well not be here.
Liams been moved to the front row now, but I don't know him.
I feel so useless, I really do. What is so wrong with my social skills that I can't even persuade people to sit with me in a maths lesson? I would hate myself if I wasn't such an egotist At least it's last lesson, so i can go home in ten minutes. Ten minutes seems like a couple of hours.
I can hear a jumble of voices behind me, but i cannot determine what they are saying. I don't care. I don't know what to do.
I want to see Olly. He wouldn't leave me on my own.


4.52pm

I feel so ugly and hopeless. I look in the mirror and my nose seems to stand out like a beacon. I realise that these are groundless emotions that will pass, but I still just want to get on a train and runaway from my life, run away from myself. Not that that's possible. If I could do anything, I would travel to wherever Maximo Park are currently touring, do some sightseeing and take some photos during the day, go to their concert in the evening and have a dance, then be allowed backstage so I can stay up until the morning talking to Paul Smith (the leadsinger). Then I would come with them in their tour bus and travel the world with them.
But I'm a slightly dishevelled 16 year old school girl, who's behind on her coursework in several subjects.

I'm not sure when it happened, but it feels like I suddenly realised I was here, like really realised, and since then I haven't been able to do anything without seriously over-thinking it. It's caused problems.